Youth ministers meet at North Myrtle Beach
Managing editor
Many churches are spiritually under-nourishing teen-agers, according to a former seminary professor who now spends much of his time counseling youth.
Youth ministers pair up to practice counseling techniques. |
Churches need to realize that "a switch goes on" in teen-agers' brains when they are about 13 years old, Rowatt said. The teen-agers move from math to algebra and from looking leaves to looking through a microscope, he said.
Rowatt said his 17-year-old daughter learns about DNA testing at school.
"Then she goes to church and they teach her the same Sunday School lesson she had in fourth grade," he said. "She says, 'I'm bored.'"
Rowatt said he talked to his daughter about the different theories of who wrote the first five books of the Old Testament. When he finished, she said it was interesting and wanted to know when she would learn more about it. Probably when she takes an introductory religion class in college, he told her.
"She said, 'Why do they keep it a secret from teen-agers?'" he said.
Rowatt said he's still struggling with his spiritual journey. He said he worries about people who have God in a box.
"I'm not sure it's God they have in there," he said.
Young people need to have a "personal, life-changing experience" with God, Rowatt said. That relationship will give them strength later, he said.
As Christians, "we have the ultimate resource," Rowatt said.
Rowatt said teen-agers will appreciate the complexity of life when they realize the simplicity of faith.
"I think we need to be bone-jarring honest with them," he said.
Honesty is a characteristic of a good counselor, Rowatt said.
He urged the youth ministers to evaluate themselves.
"The biggest lie you can ever tell is the lie you tell yourself," he said.
Rowatt said nearly one third of adults say they would cheat on their spouse. About a third say they have lied on job applications, he said.
"Teens are some of the best lie detectors I know," he said. "And they won't tell you, they'll tell each other."
Rowatt told the youth ministers to not be crude.
"Honesty is not emotionally vomiting on somebody," he said. "You can be honest and still be discreet. We have to be brutally frank without being brutal."
Rowatt said he would not say anything to a teen-ager that he wouldn't say to the teen-ager's parents.
Good counselors are caring, Rowatt said.
"I ache for some of these teen-agers," he said. "I hurt to see them struggling when the truth is right there in front of them."
The youth ministers should be friendly, Rowatt said. They should tell the young person that all counseling sessions will be confidential within the limits of the law.
Rowatt said that if a young person tells a counselor about physical or sexual abuse, the counselor must report it to the authorities or face being held responsible for the crime.
"If you know of a predator in your community, force them to get help or turn them in," he said. "You might have to move or take a job somewhere else, but that's better than letting someone be sexually abused."
Rowatt said a youth minister should also be a "team player" and work with the other people on church staff.
"I know how it hurts a congregation when two or more people on the staff won't work together," he said.
Rowatt said that youth ministers need to develop several skills to be good counselors.
Good counselors should be careful not to interject their own experiences while they're helping teen-agers explore issues, he said.
Listening ‹ "the capacity to look like we're paying attention" ‹ is another important skill for counselors, Rowatt said.
"There's only one way to do that, by the way ‹ that's by being interested," he said. "If you fake it, you'll get caught."
Good counselors know how to deal with feelings, according to Rowatt. Most people mask their emotions to hide their anxiety, he said.
"More than the fear we're going to die or be killed is the fear we'll be ignored," he said.
Rowatt said the youth ministers have to be ready to confront the teen-agers. Counselors can do that by telling a story or by using scripture, he said.
"Say what needs to be said," he said.
